Parenting the child you have, as the person you are
The internet has become a pretty toxic place for parents trying to find a way for themselves and the new little life they’ve created. It also seems to be a place where you need to have figured out what ‘type of parent’ you want to be!
But here at My First Five Years, we are passionate about only one type of parenting, and that is realistic parenting. We know that parents instinctively know what is best for their own children, but the age of the internet has made us question what it means to be a good parent, and whether or not we are one.
One size doesn’t fit all
We spend so much of our time as parents being told how to parent our children and often this comes from a ‘one size fits all’ approach. But the truth is, our experiences as human beings are all different, which means our approach to parenting will inevitably be different. We’re now more aware of the impact of parenting on behaviour, mental health and outcomes, and so we want to think about how we parent and not just follow what other generations have done. All of which means that we are parenting in some of the toughest times (no wonder we have a permanent headache).
But what if we told you that parenting doesn’t have to be so complicated?
What if we told you that by excepting that one size doesn’t fit all, and that by focusing on the child you have in front of you, you can make your life a whole lot easier?
We absolutely love the phrase “parenting the child you have in front of you”, which we heard from the wonderful Dr Emma Svanberg, author of the amazing book Parenting for Humans. If you’ve not read her book, then we highly recommend it!
Dr Svanberg was a recent guest on our podcast, and we’re fascinated by her insight that parenting gives us a unique opportunity to really get to know ourselves, and that by getting to understand ourselves better, we are better able to see are children for who they are. She also shared some super strategies for calming yourself in the moment. We really recommend having a listen here : http://podfollow.com/my-first-five-years
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Tips on parenting the child in front of you
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Know that you’re both learning together
When your child was born, you too were born as a parent. Nobody gave you a manual or told you how to do things, and you have since acted based on what you’ve come to know about your child and information from places you can trust, and they’re thriving because of that. As they say, every day is a school day and you will discover more about your child each day, and yourself as a parent. So, give yourself a break! -
Know that it’s ok to get it wrong sometimes
All humans make mistakes and that is ok, it's what you do when you make mistakes that counts. Your child needs to know that when they make mistakes it isn’t always a bad thing, but that they can learn and adapt from them. So, if you get it wrong, own up to them and share with them your flaws, so they too can grow to know that mistakes happen. -
Know that perfect doesn't exist
The mum on Instagram isn’t perfect. The footballer dad isn’t perfect. It doesn’t exist! When you truly stop comparing yourself and aiming for a parenting style that is unrealistic, you will begin to really appreciate what you’re doing and how well you’re doing it! -
Give yourself some credit
You are parenting in some of the toughest times thanks to social media and far too much information at our fingertips. -
Use strategies that calm you in the moment
Even when you’ve thought through all the things you do or don’t want to say to your child, sometimes you might find yourself feeling like you might be about to snap. In the heat of the moment, it can be useful to find physical ways to calm yourself. That could be taking a few minutes in another room to breathe slowly and evenly, standing on the lawn, or taking a moment’s rest. Consider what might work for you and give it a go the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed. -
Know that you can change and adapt as you go
Your child is changing all the time, and so are you. It’s always possible to change your approach, even halfway through the day! Stay flexible and open-minded.
